In one week from today we will learn whether we are having a son or a daughter! I have been thinking, trying to figure out what other types of information does one acquire in their life that carries that much meaning? This question carries so much signficance, that I'm not sure I've ever awaited any other with this much enthusiasm (well next to knowing if our surrogate was indeed pregnant!) This is a very close second. We will be going out to see our surrogate and attend the doctors appointment where you we will learn the gender. Though I have been on the phone for all other appointments, this is the first one that we will actually attend in person, and I can't wait!
We are in our 18th week of pregnancy now, making our baby the size of a mango! We have come so far from the poppy seed we once knew! Ha! Time really does feel like it's moving quickly, and I feel as if the baby will be here before we know it! We are about at the midway point now, and it feels like yesterday we were looking at our little one in that pitrie dish!
What has been great about life recently, is I got through my medical testing and now I feel less anxious and worried about that - so I can focus more on the excitement about the baby! I saw my oncologist last week, and got to share the new with her. She was so happy for us, and had tears in her eyes when she said "wow, that is one lucky baby!" It was nice to share that with her, after years of anxiety at our appointments about wanting to preserve my fertility, to the appointments where I kept hoping to get an answer that I could carry a pregnancy myself, to asking her last year about fertility options, to letting her know that we are going to have a family! What a great thing to share with the woman who has been there for me over the past 8 years through all this cancer crap!
She also told me, get this - that I am doing so well - and so many years out - that I can chose if I even want to continue with my monitoring appointments any more!!! WHAT?! You mean you don't think I need to have follow up much at all? She said that I could continue w/ my yearly appointments/ CT scans/ labs if I want but I don't have to. I could just be monitored by my GP. HUH??? I guess I was under the assumption that once you have cancer, an oncologist will always be a part of your life. I told her that I wasn't ready to cut that cord just yet. And asked for a script dated a year from now for my testing. Frankly, I am not sure I will ever feel ready. I know that the radiation from CT scans aren't good for you. So I might ditch those around my 10 year out point. But my lab work and exams. I don't know if I can be rid of that, the whole idea makes me anxious. I feel as if keeping a watchful eye on things (though it does create anxiety when testing comes around) make me feel in control and aware. I think my anxiety would be more so if I hadn't had testing for a long while. So, for now I will keep that script and see how it feels. Maybe I will wait a year and a half if all feels well. Well see.
But, I kind of feel like for someone who went through all of this stuff - I could not have had much of a better outcome. Going on 8 years later - I am well, my doc wants me to go away, and I am still having a baby regardless. A baby that will be identified as male or female in ONE WEEK!!!!